It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize