Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize