Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
