Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
