I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
