The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
