Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize