There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
