His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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