Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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