How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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