U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
