so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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