i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
