my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize