Who did Billy Mays play for?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
