Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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