you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
