my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Of course I have a pirate flag
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
