My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hippo gnu deer
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
