I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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