Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
