i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
