I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
