I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
