they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
