what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
