you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
