it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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