Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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