He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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