I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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