I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
