last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
