May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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