i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
