White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
A bitchslap is in order.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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