Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
