Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
