the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We got so high we made milksteak
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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