What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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