Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
