everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
