Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
