I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
