Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
