no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
