u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
please come you make the beer taste better
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
