I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
