we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Alive.
So much puke
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
