Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
