This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
