Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
