Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize