Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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