You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
