he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
there is glitter all over my balls
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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