pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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