You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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