guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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