He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
