I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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