The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
