ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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