I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
