Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
