I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
ok first of all what the fuck
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
