Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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