you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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