What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
