Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
