I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
